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March 7, 2010

Be forewarned – this is a rant. You may stop reading right now. But writing helps me order my thoughts.

I don’t even know where to start – I’m still fuming that much. I can totally understand changing your mind. I may not like it, but I get it. I’ve had it happen to me many times (and so have many others) – things click on both sides then something happens and the other person finds someone they are MORE interest in, or whatever. Fine.

But to totally fucking dismiss every moment as if it was nothing. As if it never happened. To basically flip a bitch and start back at the beginning. Fuck that. If you want to back off and just be friends, grow the balls and say so. Don’t fucking make it sound like hey I like you as a friend and we’ll see if something develops. W. T. F. Whatever.

You know what really makes me mad. I’ve backed off several times – trying to forget that I have feelings for you; trying to get to a point where I can just be friends. But we talked and you didn’t want that. I had longs talks with a friend, trying to figure out how to deal with you. With what you are, what you want, and whether I can get what I want from you. I get to a point where I’m okay – not super happy with some things in your life, but I can deal. Hell I completely avoided speaking to you until I had my head straight.

I figured if you didn’t communicate with me, then it was over and no sweat. But you did. And when I knew that I was okay with things (and btw, I was trying to just be a chickenshit and avoid you permanently – figured you’d get the hint) I talked to you. I worked through all my fears and doubts and concerns in my head because you had been willing to make the effort to work things through. You’d contacted me when I figured you’d just never bother contacting me again. Because it was way too damn dishonest to just not speak. And then you do this. You had the fucking nerve to act as if we’d just met. Fuck you. FUCK you. Seriously.

I feel betrayed. But hell, I should thank you. I’ve learned a lot. And you know what – you were right. I was good for you. You need someone who won’t put up with your bullshit. I swear sometimes the only person you see is yourself. You are like a kid in a candy store and you’re always out for the next piece of candy. Fuck.

Fine. Rant over. I guess I should have known better to fall for it. I kept thinking that anyone willing to work that hard must be sincere. I was wrong. Shit.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 7, 2010 8:21 pm


  2. March 8, 2010 8:24 am

    *hugs* I’m sorry hun.

    • sweetspice permalink*
      March 8, 2010 9:15 am

      Yeah well. Stuff happens. And sometimes one needs to let it out. *hugs*

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