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I Need A Safe Word

February 4, 2010

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I exploded all over you and actually tried to not. Sometimes I think I need a safe word for conversations. When it’s going into a direction that’s overwhelming I need to throw up a flag. A signal that says “Sorry, I need a break. We can talk about it later. When I can be sane.”

I don’t know if I hurt someone tonight, but I definitely made their night a little rougher. I hurt me. Or I was hurting. And it’s very hard to explain why. Is it just that I’m jealous? It doesn’t feel like that. Maybe it’s because of the third party who totally irks me. I don’t know. I’ll have to figure that one out – later. But it triggered an overwhelming feeling of “escape!” in me. And I tried to leave, tried to do just that. But that just confused the person I was talking to. And in taking the time to come back and try and explain – I made it all worse.

So tomorrow or the next day, maybe that person will forgive me. Maybe they won’t. I’ll have to deal with it either way – consequences of my actions. But yep, a safe word for conversations. That’d be a good thing. I think I’ll use blergh. I like that word. And it kind of couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. So if I ever say Blergh in the middle of a conversation then poof. You’ll know why. I’ll be back. Eventually. But I totally understand if you don’t want to wait around for that to happen.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. February 4, 2010 10:36 pm

    They should forgive you, you’re worth it 🙂

  2. February 5, 2010 7:03 am

    *hugs you*
    We all have our days where what we say and do just doesn’t come out right. I hope that person understands that. Though a safe word in conversation is something I should consider too!:)

  3. February 5, 2010 7:33 am

    I don’t know the specific situation, but in our little group we have a couple of ways of dealing with it. One is just to say “Safeword!” when a topic veers into an area we just don’t want to talk about. {Kinks we find squicky, that sort of thing.}

    The other one is essentially the same, since I realize now we always use the same phrase: “I just can’t talk about this now.” It’s hard to hear that, I’ll tell you. Especially if it’s about something that’s not okay between us. And implicit in it is a promise to talk about it later, when you’re more ready (or had time to think about it).

    This is often followed by a “Are we Okay?” Question, just to be sure that well, at the base things are okay between us. I need that if I’m told “I just can’t talk about this now,” or I’ll go crazy and not be able to let it go.

    • sweetspice permalink*
      February 5, 2010 9:15 am

      I really like these suggestions Joe. They make a whole lot of sense. It’s something I’ll bring up with this person. Maybe this will work on both sides. Even saying those words – knowing I need the time to think things through – the fact that we’ll re-open the discussion later would be huge. Otherwise I have a tendency to keep going in a bad way. Thank you.

  4. thepinkpoppet permalink
    February 6, 2010 8:43 am

    I think we all need a safeword from time to time for conversations (which without a safeword for that very thing, I would tend to argue my point to death, never knowing when to stop or even take a breath).

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