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Dressing Up

November 3, 2009

I leaned back in my chair, watching the dressing room. You’d taken the clothes I’d picked out back to change. I’d sensed your reluctance, but you were being a good girl and doing what I’d asked. I pulled at the cuffs of my shirt, bought specifically for this evening. From my vantage point I could see the door of your room in the mirror, as I watched they parted and I could see your face as you saw yourself in the mirror across from you. I saw the smile that lit your face, the tail of your braid caressing the soft curves of your breasts. The green of the dress matched the color of your eyes, while the silk hugged your figure tightly, the skirt flowing down, flirting with your thighs.

You almost danced your way toward me, delighted with yourself, with the vision of you in the dress. When you came to stand in from of me, I motioned for you to twirl. I caught a glimpse of the sweetness between your thighs, bare beneath the gown. Reaching out, I smoothed the dress along your ass, enjoying the feel of you under my hands. Taking hold of your hips I pulled you closer, nuzzling my face against you. My hands trailed up your thighs, rubbing my thumbs along the crease where your thighs met the cheeks of your ass. Unable to resist the tempting flesh in front of me, I nipped you lightly. I could smell the heat of you, knew that if I moved my hand I’d find moisture. I almost forgot where we were, so totally had your sexiness captured me.

Standing up behind you, I let my hands slide up your side, moving around to cup your breasts. I tweaked your nipple between my thumb and forefinger before dropping my hands as the saleswoman approached. “We’ll take the dress,” I said a bit hoarsely. “We’ll need some sheer stockings to go with it. And shoes, something sparkly.” Gently kissing the flowers gracing your shoulder, I let you go. I couldn’t wait to hold you in my arms as we danced, to feel your body pressed against mine. Even better, I couldn’t wait for our evening out to end, so I could take off the dress and see everything it covered.

This very special MFM is as always brought to you by the lovely Ang but this one is special. I’m sure you can guess who the lovely creature is in this one. This week it’s all about Ang. Happy Bloggiversary hun!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. dragonmage permalink
    November 4, 2009 3:13 pm

    Oh my, that’s hot. ^_^

    • sweetspice permalink*
      November 4, 2009 3:16 pm

      Thank you sir dragon! Interestingly enough, it made me feel all butch-like. I guess I need me some nice button-down shirts now.

  2. thepinkpoppet permalink
    November 4, 2009 7:41 pm

    Take me shopping!

    http://thepinkpoppet.wordpress.com/

  3. Matt permalink
    November 6, 2009 9:56 pm

    I’ll be good an nitpicky for you, since you want me to. 😀

    In the first paragraph you say “…I could see the door of your room in the mirror, as I watched they parted and I could see your face as you saw yourself in the mirror across from you. I saw the smile…” For me personally, the repetition of the “I” drew too much attention to itself… even though it wasn’t at the beginning of the sentences, it stood out like a sore thumb. You should, IMHO, play around with the word choice in this one spot to add a little more pop and variety. Some of the repetition might be nice, kind of droning, and could “hypnotize” the reader… but I feel at least one or two of the “I ___” should go.

    In the second paragraph you say “You almost danced your way toward…” How is it only almost? It seems like it would either be or not be… and as a reader, I can’t visualize “almost danced.” Further, it’s kind of ambiguous… and maybe you want the reader decide… but what kind of dance are they doing toward you? Big difference between a waltz and a tango. I am being nitpicky… but if I’m having trouble visualizing it, your more critical readers are going to be even less forgiving.

    Also, typo in paragraph two: “in from of me”

    “Asses” are always hard for me. “Ass” sounds too crude to me… but nothing else is sexy enough (Maybe you’ve got some pointers in this department). This is a tough one, and I’m more bound to be forgiving on this point because of the genre… erotic writing tends to be forgiven crudeness as long as it stimulates. But, you might still take this under advisement and do with it as you wish. “Ass” almost seems too sexy/crude this soon in the piece… even given how short the piece is. Kinda like, I want to be turned on some before I get to the dirty talk. 😀 Not a lot you can do given the space constraints… but it’s your job to fix the problem and mine to point them out. (Fuck critics, huh?). But hey… maybe you’ll figure something out. If not… it’s pretty forgivable.

    And, actually, I might cut that first line and go straight to pulling her closer… the second “ass” is a little better timed (we get a little foreplay first :D). Little confusing though. If he pulls her closer by the hips, how did his hands start trailing “up” her thighs? We, as readers, never see him move his hands from her hips.

    In the last line of that paragraph, “sexiness” isn’t working for me. It is elevated enough. It’s a very sexy scene, mature even, but “sexiness” gives it a teenagery feel. I might go with “sex appeal,” or even better might be something physical–the body, or a part of it–that captures him.

    “Standing up behind you”… by the time I got to this line, I had forgotten he was sitting, or had at least assumed he had stood up. I also felt that she was standing facing him, not away from him. Give the reader a little better direction so they can follow your minds eye. Let them know, in the second paragraph, that he had been doing all of those things from a seated position. And let them know that she’s facing away from him (possibly when she’s twirling). In fact, a little more description, if you can fit it, about the twirling itself would be good foreplay.

    “slide up your side” I have mixed feelings about the rhyme. It really is the simplest way to say what you want to say… but at the same time, it sounds kind of like a contrived intentional rhyme. Sometimes the natural sounds more unnatural than the unnatural. I’d play with it, but this is another one of those things that won’t kill the piece if you can’t figure out anything else to do with it.

    “as the saleswoman approached” The past tense makes it a bit too passive to be tacked on at the end, it gets lost and makes the sentence trail off. Might try “at the approach of the sales woman” to make it more active.

    I would cut the “Even better” in the last sentence. We already know it would be even better. 😉 And that’s one place the repetition will really work for this piece. It sounds conclusive.

    And I would try to pull the whole story into present tense… it’s a more active voice, and it’s easier for a reader to feel like they’re really there experiencing it, rather than have somebody tell them the story afterwards. So, I might do something like:

    “I can’t wait to hold you in my arms as we dance, to feel your body press against mine. I can’t wait for our evening out to end, so I can get you out of that dress.”

    And, as nitpicky as I’m being (hopefully to your benefit)… it really is a sexy piece. I’m jealous. She sounds hot. Haha.

    • Stacy permalink*
      November 7, 2009 7:54 am

      Yay for something useful! *smile* I’ll go back over and look at your suggestions. And yes, Miss Ang is very hot.

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