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What’s My Kink?

April 12, 2009

This whole “revolution” started while talking to someone on twitter. So that means it hasn’t even been a year. I’ve never defined myself as a dom/sub. I guess kinky would apply because I’ve had a few experiences that would be considered outside the norm. Whatever the heck that is.

All of a sudden, through conversations with this guy, and through stories we share back and forth, I’m discovering new wants and needs. Nothing I’ve yet had a chance to explore but I plan to. But the hard part is defining just where I stand. Because I like defining things. This doesn’t mean I won’t be flexible, I just like a starting point.

I do have many misconceptions, due to previous experiences. Now I mean no disrespect to anyone when I use labels or explain how I felt, instead I’m laying myself bare in the hopes of finding answers. To further define myself. I am totally open to suggestions, corrections, and instruction.

I found that seeing myself as a “domme” felt laughable, that when someone im’d me and said they’d like me to step all over them, both figuratively and literally, I’d snicker and move on. Even had a guy (long-distance) that I was super stuck on, who wanted me to sit on his face and smother him. Um, yeah, not my cup of tea. We played at it online, but he was the one into it, I was not. No subs for me.

An ex wanted to role-play in bed, and insisted I tell him before I came, get permission. I was thinking “Mmm hmm, sure I will.” I never did, he never followed through on the threats. Plus while the sex itself was good, the role playing never impressed me. Okay, so I’m not into “doms” either. And so I left it at that. My kinks were basic: cocksucking, multiple guys. Eventually a desire to try anal sex. Some I have tried, some not yet or at least not in the way I wanted.

Today here I am, with the list of wants much longer as I begin to delve into things I never thought of before. There are definitely some bottom tendencies, as well as some top. Though those labels will have to further be defined. I’ve managed to define one thing that’s a must from a partner: strength.

Through some conversation with twitter friends, I’ve discovered that I’m a bit of a bratty bottom. Although I don’t quite know what that will entail, I know that I’m never going to be easy. I don’t know if it means that once I have a partner, who proves themselves strong enough to bring out that part of me without breaking me, I’ll fight every time. I don’t know.

On the other hand, the reason I’ve always been turned off by subs coming on to me, is that I don’t value someone I can walk all over. I’m not interested in someone weak, I want strength. I want to bind that strength, to hold it to me, knowing that it’s mine to command. That I’ve earned it. Damn, that sounds like a top for sure. (From what I can tell)

This is where I am – stuck in the middle, unsure what labels fit me. Am I a domme/sub or a top/bottom? I think I can rule out slave and mistress. Those to me seem more like lifestyle changes. But again, I could be wrong. I know that for some reason, certain people bring out a ferocity in me. A need to attack, for want of a better word. While with others, I’m hoping they can show me their strength. It’s a feeling of meekness? Maybe not quite that, but definitely a want for them to dominate me. If that makes any sense at all.

This is not to say I’m ruling out relationships that are not top/bottom related. I think sometimes sex is just sex. There’s still lots of kink I want to try. But some things just seem to lend themselves to it. Like spankings. I would love to be spanked, but don’t just give me a whack as I go by. Pull me over your knee, throw me on the bed. Spank me baby! Oh, um. Sorry, got a bit carried away there.

Thanks for listening! Please, I would love comments, suggestions, conversation. Give and take is what helps me learn.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Dragon Mage permalink
    April 12, 2009 9:16 pm

    Luvbunny and I went through a lot of searching before we settled into the roles we have now. I think that the searching and exploring can be plenty of fun in and of itself.
    It seems (from what you’ve written here) that you might be a switch – you like the roles of top and bottom. And, of course, kink is larger than just top/bottom dom/sub, etc. There are plenty of other things that fall into kink without any sort of power exchange or role play.
    Have fun exploring and finding out what turns you on and makes you come. ^_^

  2. April 12, 2009 9:36 pm

    Why restrict yourself? You can do what you want because it feels good, and who the fuck cares about labels 🙂

    I “define” as a switch. sometimes I like beating people, sometimes I like bottoming. I have a friend who is mostly a top, but bottoms to some activities, but defines herself as a top. I have friends that are completely submissive, until their Dom/Master/Top tells them to beat someone up, then they enjoy that.

    So, seek out new experiences, and have fun with it. dont worry about defining yourself this early out.

    • Stacy permalink*
      April 12, 2009 10:21 pm

      In many ways I agree, but I also need to know where I fall so that I don’t end up somewhere I am afraid to be. I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew. *grin*

  3. April 12, 2009 10:26 pm

    Dollface just do you. Be you. What ever your kink don’t try to define it just live as you. That is why I am super perv and I love it but i can’t define my pervyness because everyday i find something or someone new that turns me on and makes me horny in ways that wouldn’t make some one else feel that way you feel me.

  4. Stacy permalink*
    April 13, 2009 1:31 pm

    In some ways that works well. But part of me feels the need to define things. To understand the parts. I may change my mind as I step into things, but knowing at least some guidelines, or at least some general definitions, makes me happy. I don’t need cemented solid definitions, but it’s nice to at least have some foundation.

  5. April 23, 2009 7:29 am

    I like defining things as well. I am sub, but don’t feel weak at all – remind yourself that it is a power exchange. You are not taking things from a sub, they are giving it to you.

    If you want a foundation, it really helps to fill out a fetish bdsm checklist – helps you see what really turns you on. I remember the first time I filled mine out (I update it constantly) I stood back and looked at it and realized I am really into rape and incest fantasies. It has served as a cool map of my sexuality.

    • Stacy permalink*
      April 23, 2009 1:42 pm

      A checklist? Now where can I find such a wonderful thing! I love checklists. And yes, I’m constantly discovering things that intrigue me or totally turn me off.

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