Okay a two-fer. I missed last week so it’s a little longer and has both long-distance and role-reversal. You can blame Ang who always comes up with these great themes.
The program beeped as the new message came through. “Did you make yourself cum yet?” With still-quivering fingers I replied, “Yes, twice just like you told me to.” “You’re such a good girl, always doing as you’re told.” I imagined his voice speaking these words, though I’d never heard it. Our only communication was via letters on the screen. I’d been following orders like the good girl he’d called me for 2 months now. I’d sat in front of the computer dripping wet from his words, needing to touch myself and not allowed to. I’d gone to work and touched myself in the bathroom stall, under strict orders to NOT cum, just play.
The entire time it had always been about me. His words had pushed me to open myself to more and more of his desires but I’d never been able to touch him. I hungered for that, for the chance to touch him, taste him. “Sir, will I ever get to have you?” He sent a chuckle across the screen. “You could have any time, but you must take what you want. I give nothing freely.” This gave me pause. He wanted me to take? But, that was not how this worked. It had always been him, in control. I had given up my will to his. “I… I don’t know what to do.” “Perhaps then little girl, you’re not ready for everything that is possible. Perhaps, little girl, you do not “want” enough yet.”
I shook my head vigorously though he couldn’t see. I wanted, badly – I fell asleep dreaming of being able to explore him. I hesitated and stared at the screen, unsure how to move past our roles. “Would you allow me to take your clothes off, sir?” The cursor blinked as I waited breathless, worried I’d done it wrong. “No, I will not allow you anything. You are obviously unready for this. I will go, perhaps I will speak to you soon.” “No!” the words, the shout, came from deep inside me. “You may not go, you will remove your clothes for me.” I do not know how I found the courage to write that, but the words that followed let me know I had found the way. “Yes… mistress. What would you like me to remove first?”
So I took a quiz – since formspring.me is just NOT working for me *grumble* I cured my bordedom by taking a quiz about whether BDSM was for you. My overall score wasn’t a shock, but there were a few pieces I was a little surprised at.
You Scored as Switch
(((Note: This quiz is not totally comprehensive because of the length such a quiz would be. I kept it sex-based because I felt that psychological profiles and motivations were too complicated and vary too greatly among people that practice BDSM.))) You know what you want but it has nothing to do with your own role in the bedroom. You have the ability to be flexible in that area which can be useful for exploring you sexuality with your partner.
Switch 96% (Yep, I’d guessed this one.)
Experimental 82% (There are a few limits, but who knows in the heat of the moment?)
Bondage 75% (I would be happy to be on both sides of that equation)
Exhibitionist / Voyeur 64% (Interesting it doesn’t differentiate, I’m more voyeur)
Submissive 64% (Yes, for the right person)
Sadist 57% (Oh really? I’m I don’t like to hurt someone, just – tease them a bit)
Dominant 50% (Kind of interesting that the submissive outweigts the dominant)
Masochist 46% (I’m actually surprised I scored even this high)
Degradation Lover 29% (Probably the thing I really do like the least)
Vanilla 7% (And yes this confirms my feelings that I can never go back to vanilla)
This was kind of fun. I wish formspring wasn’t down, even though I didn’t get many questions. I loved the thoughtful ones that helped me expand on my own boundaries. Answering questions is a good way to explore who you are and exactly how you think. You can always ask me questions via comments or email!
Update: Someone requested the link (silly me) so here you go Do you have an inclination for BDSM?
I just had someone on FL ask to friend me – I checked out the profile since I had no idea who they were. A member of long distance domination and MSN video (or something to that effect). Well that tells me exactly what he wants – video chat. Some one else from FL immediately stopped all conversation when I said I didn’t have a cam to chat with. Or someone on twitter will introduce themselves by saying their horny and they want to chat.
I must be getting old because all this does is make me raise my eyebrow and move on. I feel rather like a prude that I don’t want to go on some chat program and immediately start laying out scenarios to get off to. I feel prudish because they don’t usually get me off. I won’t say I NEVER chat anymore, or text, or sex up on twitter. But it takes the right person, the right timing, to make me feel it. It wasn’t always like this.
I’m a MUD geek from way back, a fan of IRC and BBS’s. (You may be too young to remember all those, go ask someone.) I have carried on in public with people I’d never spoken to before. I’ve cam’d before when I had my computer set up on my bedside table. Yes, cam’d. And they saw … everything. I remember times when I masturbated to the camera without saying a word. Just put on a show.
I’ve been led in exp parties (MUD term) while under orders from the leader – I had to MUD naked with my butt plug firmly in place. It was NOT a little plug. I had kinky MUD sex with guys from Ireland and Texas, had phone sex while hiding on the floor of my bedroom closet with my teenager in the front room. But somewhere along the way I just … stopped. I didn’t hang on the MUD anymore, or on IRC. Life got in the way and I guess I moved on.
But now it seems I’m too old, not age wise but thinking wise. It’s not like there’s no one to chat with – I could have. And really, I do have a cam. It’s a crappy one, but hey. I’ve even got a mic so the person on the other end could hear me. But where before I’d type one-handed on a regular basis, now I can’t get comfortable enough in the chair to get off. Or even want to start really playing. Maybe if my computer was in my bedroom again, but then again.. maybe not.
Sometimes I miss it, the texting, the chatting. Sometimes I don’t. But I seem to be in a minority because I’m always getting set aside in the search for a “cam” partner. Not that I mind too much, if that’s all they’re interested in good luck to them. I really want someone I can talk with, laugh with, feel stupid and still loved with. And I mean that in the non-romantic way of love. The verb.
Anyway I’m not against sexting, cam’ing, phone sex, hot chat, etc. etc. I just wonder sometimes where that person went. Or if she didn’t go anywhere she’s just waiting for the right person, the right moment. Maybe I’ve just lost my touch.
